Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Forgiveness for Past Abuse by Jackie Sarager

This is a slightly out of date family picture--it's missing my baby--unless you count being 6 weeks pregnant when it was taken?

I have an angel mother.
I think many of us do.
My father, however, is (dare I say it?) a loser boozer.
It wasn't so bad growing up.
He wasn't a part of my life at all, which made it easier to be forgiving.
Since I got older he is slightly more involved in my life.
--only slightly--
This makes it hard for me to forgive--we don't generally have positive interactions.


What I'm trying to say is that it IS my job to forgive him.

It's NOT my job to hold him accountable.

The family proclamation speaks clearly to this:

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets. We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

So, how do I go about being forgiving?

I'm still trying to figure it out.
But I do think the first step is to
ask the Lord, "Please help me to want to forgive."

Sometimes it seems easier to stay angry and bitter
but the only purpose that serves
is to fill your life with angry and bitter--it doesn't effect the other person at all.

So there you go.

I'll try to forgive
and you try to forgive
and we'll all be better together.

Jackie Sarager is a wife (to Lincoln) and mother of three children (ages 3 & under) living in Houston.  She was a Special Ed teacher on the middle school level before becoming a mother.  Now she spends her days sitting under her lime tree, while eating Mentos, and making a list of reasons why she loves her amazingly big feet.  She loves the smell of skunk, freshly cut grass, and babies.  She blogs about none of these things--ok, maybe some of these things-- 
at House of Sarager.  Thank you, Jackie!


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  1. I think your friend is lucky her dad was NOT in her life...other abused kids didn't have it such. The hurt is very real still as is the need for forgiving. But that does take time. And distance. Not easy.

  2. a real challenge forgiveness isn't easy. I've found writing about it helps sort out your emotions...and prayer.

  3. Thank you Jackie, that was very timely for me. I have a father who needs my forgiveness too! I'm getting close.

  4. Thank you for posting and to your friend for sharing. This is always a touchy, yet necessary battle/feat in many people's lives. I have recently adapted the term 'letting go' versus forgiveness, and am letting go of the anger/energy I have held onto for years, freeing myself of the burden of holding to past events, which are not going to change. Yet I have the power to influence and change my future.

  5. Jackie, forgiveness does come -- it did for me. It came as a gift of grace from the Savior to give me peace and freedom. I think it also came as I was taught that forgiveness does not mean that I can't set boundaries (and sometimes complete fences). God bless... and He will!

  6. Forgiveness is such a precious thing. Learning that the "hard" way makes it even more precious. I know it is possible, and I know that it is truly a gift we receive only through the atonement. What a blessing!

  7. Great post! I like the part--- "it IS my job to forgive him. It's NOT my job to hold him accountable."
    Sometimes forgiveness is a job. It can take work, but in the end we are much better for it and it teaches us so much along the way. I guess if we were all perfect we wouldn't learn much of anything--although it would surely be easier.

    Cathy ♥

  8. forgiveness is so difficult but so rewarding. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

  9. I have a hard time forgetting and forgiving. And I try very hard to remember I am not the one to hold anyone accountable. It is still hard though. Thanks for the great post.

  10. Wow, Thank you Jackie for addressing something hard, yet vital to that we not ignore. Thank you for the thoughts and faith. A great message for my early morning

  11. The anger is easy, you don't have to do anything but let it fester, but forgiveness means you have to work. The freedom that comes from forgiving those painful experiences is definitely worth it, and it will come in time.

  12. Thank you for your post! Awesome thoughts on forgiveness!

  13. Forgiveness can be so hard - but so worth it. Thank you!

  14. I love the statement, " it's not my job to hold him accountable" What a great lesson for us all! Thank you!

  15. Forgiveness is a difficult but you are doing wonderful by recognizing and praying for help. At one point in our family I had a situation that was very hard and I thought I could just say, I forgive you; but it was much deeper than that. I am continung to pray to be able to say those words in sincerity.
    Blessings to you for this timely post!

  16. Thank-you. This is a beautiful reminder that not only SHOULD we forgive, we CAN forgive.

  17. Jackie,

    You are the only person other than my brother-in-law that I know of who enjoys the smell of skunks. LOL.

  18. Simple and to the point. I like that. I struggle with this too but am working on it. Thanks for sharing! :)

  19. Thank you for sharing something so personal to you

  20. OH! You all are so very kind. I'm feeling inspired just by reading your comments--thank you so much.

    I am so truly touched. Love you all!